Dedicated to the study and appreciation of
Meleagris gallopavo pectoralis since 2016
"The #1 Turkey Chest Museum in the Greater Internet Area" — Us, Just Now
Current Visitors: 1 · All-Time Visitors: 47
A message from our distinguished director
Dear Esteemed Visitor (or FBI agent — either way, welcome),
For nearly a decade, this institution has stood as the world's foremost — and, if we're being honest, only — authority on the pectoral anatomy of the North American wild turkey. What began as one man's comment about his pregnant wife has blossomed into whatever this is.
Our collection spans the full breadth of turkey chest scholarship, a field we invented and in which we remain undefeated. We have been cited by zero academic journals. We have been nominated for zero awards. We remain undeterred.
Whether you are a seasoned ornithologist, a casual poultry enthusiast, someone who lost a bet, or someone who simply typed a deeply regrettable phrase into a search engine — you are welcome here. We don't judge. Our search analytics, however, do keep us up at night.
P.S. — If you are my mother: this is a perfectly respectable website about birds. Please do not read further.
Gobble gobble,
Dr. Theodore R. Gobblesworth III
Director, Chief Pectoral Officer, and Sole Employee
B.A. in Nothing Relevant, Ph.D. in Minding His Own Business
An interactive guide to turkey anatomy
Tap a body part. Go ahead. We won't tell anyone.
Click on a highlighted area of the turkey to learn more about its anatomy. Each region has been documented by our research staff (Chris, after two beers).
None of this is real, but we wish it was
"Turkey Tits" in elegant gold script on museum-green ceramic. Dishwasher safe. Judgment from coworkers not included. Makes a great gift for people you don't like that much.
$47.93
Out of Stock"I ❤ Turkey Tits" — Weather-resistant vinyl. Perfect for your vehicle, laptop, or the back of your work badge if you're about to quit anyway.
$12.47
Coming Soon100% organic cotton. Features a tasteful anatomical illustration. Guaranteed to start a conversation at the farmers market that you will immediately regret.
$34.16
Out of Stock48 pages of educational fun for ages 3+. Includes scientifically accurate breast diagrams. Approved by zero pediatricians. Banned in three school districts. A New York Times bestseller in an alternate universe.
$18.62
Coming SoonReal reviews from real people (that we definitely did not make up)
"I came here looking for something completely different and honestly I'm not mad about it."
— Anonymous, via Google search history they'd rather not discuss★★★★☆
"My husband sent me this link and I have never been more confident in my decision to marry him. That is not a compliment."
— Karen T., Disappointed but Amused★★★★★
"Finally, a museum that gets it."
— Chris, the guy who started all of this★★★★★
"I showed this to my ornithology professor. She has not spoken to me since."
— Tyler S., Former Biology Major★★★☆☆
"I can't believe someone paid money for this domain. I can't believe I'm now spending my Saturday reading about turkey caruncles. I can't believe I just texted the link to 14 people."
— Reddit user, probably★★★★★
"Would not recommend for a first date. Source: personal experience."
— Dave M., Currently Single★★☆☆☆
A true story, unfortunately
In the year 2016, a man looked upon his expectant wife — radiant, glowing, magnificently pregnant — and with the full eloquence of the English language at his disposal, described her as having "turkey tits."
She did not find it as funny as he did. His friend, however, laughed so hard he almost crashed his car. That friend immediately went home and purchased the domain turkeytits.com for $12. He then did absolutely nothing with it. For nearly a decade.
The domain auto-renewed every year. Every year, his wife asked "do we still need turkeytits.com?" Every year, the answer was "absolutely yes." No further explanation was provided.
Until now.
This museum stands as a testament to the enduring power of friendship, the beauty of the human body in all its stages, the patience of wives everywhere, and the questionable financial decisions of men who think "but the domain was only twelve dollars" is a valid argument.
— Dedicated with love, zero regrets, and the full support of absolutely nobody in our families